Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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