I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at