you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
