DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
about cumming, not toast
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...