Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.