look no pants
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
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Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend