it was like eating out sand paper
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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