grandma shit on top of the toilet
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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