Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this