Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?