p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
