Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.