I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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