i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
