Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
