i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
