ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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