If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
