We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
