you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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