thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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