Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I need moral support for this bender
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
