So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
