I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize