i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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