covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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