I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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