I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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