I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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