i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
