my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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