I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
