I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
