just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
last night I used snow as a chaser
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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