I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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