Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think my moral compass just broke
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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