Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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