i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i out mim tonsoeep
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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