Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
