Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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