ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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