hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
