I'm gonna have a badass scar
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
These tits shall not be calmed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
