This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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