4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
