If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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