So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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