So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
