I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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