Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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