i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I supernannyed him into submission
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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