it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
