I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
