1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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