We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All I want is dick and wine.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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