The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
