Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
