I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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