they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
