we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
