we're blogging at a bar
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
