Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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