my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
