I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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