Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
