carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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