Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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