Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
