i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
