definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
