she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
