grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
BRING THE BAGELS
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
