Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
