I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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