Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
