Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
