Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
