he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
