wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
