so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I need to stop coming to work sober
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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