I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Drunk is not a location!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
