you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
