Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
